Giving up on students

Type: 
Stories

This past year was the first year ever I gave up on a student.

This student was initially a very good student. He listened, took notes, tried hard, etc. I was very pleased with his progress and his attitude. But mid-year he changed drastically. He missed some classes due to illness and it seemed he could not catch up. He didn't want to take the time to come and see me at lunch or after school so that I could explain the concepts he missed. As I was teaching many students during class time, and with all the students having problems with the science material I couldn't take enough time in class to go over everything he missed.

He got a tutor, and it seemed like class was no longer important to him. He found that if he just put enough effort right before the test, he would pass the tests. Unfortunately, the material got tougher.... He could not cram all the material the night before anymore. He started to fail. He started becoming more frustrated with science. But he still refused to listen in class. He refused to take notes or even pay attention. Basically he refused to learn. Sitting in class, he would distract anyone around him, and he was such a thorn in my side. I dreaded the hour of the day when I had to see him and try to work around him to teach all the other students. The days he was absent (or skipping) I was quite pleased and the classes went smoother; I felt all the other students learned significantly better.

After a while I decided to ignore him. I didn't want to distract the whole class just because one bad apple. If he wasn't going to put in the effort, why should I, I thought.

One day he was in my class, doing his regular thing, and then I turn around and saw that he walked out of the class. No question, no statement, just simply walked out. I was of course appalled. The other students didin't know what to think. Out of my anger, I say something to the effect "He is not welcome in this class anymore!" After that I decided that I have to follow through - I cannot let this "punk" back into my class, I thought. With only a month left of school, I figured it wouldn't be all that bad. I went to our head of discipline, and he agreed with me, and told me that this kid has great anger problems and that he didn't see a problem with my "kicking" him out of my class for the rest of the year.

And so it happened: I gave up on a student this year. I'm not proud at all. I should have delt with this situation differently. I don't really know how, but I know that giving up on him was not right, not as a teacher. I am obliged to have faith in all of my students, some more, some less, but faith nonetheless. I have no right to give up. No right at all! At that moment I failed as a teacher!

And then today I got one of those chain emails, with a sappy story attached. I was reading it out loud to my son and I choked up. I actually cried. So either it's a good story, or I'm emotional, but most likely, it touched me because I gave up on a student for the first time this year. Read it, I think it's a good one:

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same.

However,thatwasimpossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big 'F' at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until
last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around..'

His second grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is an
excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.'

His third grade teacher wrote, 'His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren 't taken.'

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is
withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.'

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bot tle that was one-quarter
full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long
enough to say, 'Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.'

After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic.

Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her 'teacher's pets.'

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he h ad finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honours. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favourite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another
letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favourite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a littl e longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs.Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several
rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard w hispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, 'Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.'

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, 'Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you.'

(For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

Giving up b/c of misUNDERSTANDINGS!!

As a future teacher, this Teddy story is very inspiring whether or not it is fiction or non-fiction. Teachers should take heed to those students who display unaccepted behavior and perservere through those pressuring times of giving up. Of course,as a teacher it should be an understanding that children express themselves according to their feelings. In the blog, the teacher researches the previous recordings of Teddy's unaccepted behaviors. She discovers that his behavoirs varies according to how he feels about his life with and without his mom. As a result, the teacher is ashame of her treatment towards him and therefore, exibits more compassion, understanding, and patience.
With that said, what if the teacher never unveiled what brought about Teddy's beahviors? She possibly would have continued to be bitter towards Teddy as well as other students who exibits unacceptable behaviors. Therefore, her job as a teaher would not be as effective.
In the text the teacher decides to "quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic" and decids to teach children instead. As I analyze that sentence, I observe the difference in teaching the subject to the students oppose to teaching the students "the subject". The students have to be understood as well as on task, in order to teach the students the subject.

Thanks for the comment.

Thanks for the comment. This made me think of the long time debate: Teacher-Centered vs Subject-Centered vs Student-Centered teaching. I decided to write my next blog post on this, if you're interested of my opinion on the subject.

I don't think you should be

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. You are only human and you can't save everyone even though as teachers, we would like to. I think you realize that you wanted to act differently but you didn't but this will enable you to do so next time. Learn from your mistakes and that is the best you can do. Obviously you are a good teacher (as your former student attests) so don't let this experience change the way you inspire students but let it work to make you a better teacher.

Thanks for the support. I

Thanks for the support. I agree. I made this situation a learning experience. I realize that I have my weaknesses and my strengths, and it is time for me to work on my weaknesses.

A student of mine read this

A student of mine read this entry and wrote me an email regarding this post. I decided to post it, as it relates to this post. Thanks TJI:

I recently visited your blog (yes, that writing tool is awesome, and so are those Rube Goldberg machine videos) and noticed an entry titled "Giving Up on Students". I'd just like to mention that, on the other end of the teaching spectrum, you have also inspired students. You inspired me!! And I'm not just saying that to be nice. If you factor in all the students you've inspired (and there are many), you'll find that it far outnumbers the one that you supposedly "gave up on". Your science class was the best. Ever. (My favorite class, by the way) (well, that and math) (but I still think science wins) I think you were exceedingly patient with the "troublemaking punks" in my class, so I find it difficult to imagine that this situation wasn't hyperbole.

Teddy Stoddard

There comes a time when a teacher simply must put the welfare of the other students before the antics and deliberate disruptions of one student. I think you did the right thing, and you displayed far more patience than most people. Don't worry about it any more.

However, you should know that the Teddy Stoddard story is an urban legend, and that the Teddy Stoddard in the legend is NOT the Stoddard of the Iowa Cancer Center.

http://www.snopes.com/glurge/teddy.asp

Any teacher would agree, though, that while this particular story isn't true, the concept is definitely one that any teacher can understand. We've all been there.

Thanks for the clarification

Thanks for the clarification - very interesting. I didn't really think there was a real Teddy Stoddard, but just the idea of a Teddy Stoddard. I bet there is numerous such kids turned adults that have to thank their teachers for their love, as they got little at home. Its more of a "fairy tale", but I liked it none the less.